Bret Favre's Fake Retirement

This is torture for Green Bay Packer fans. Torture, I say!

Forget Guantanamo Bay or the Abu Ghraib: what fans from Wisconsin are going through appears to be the Work of the Devil and some pretty good work it is. There stands one of the greatest men every to play the game of professional football: Bret Favre. He stuck by the Packers through thick and thin, gave them back their swagger and did virtually everything the team ever asked him to do. He never got in trouble (least nothing that had to do with dog fighting in the backwoods of Virginia) and always gave the game 100%. He had a great season in 2007, and nearly took the lowly Pack back to the Super Bowl.

So, this spring when he announced his retirement, fans were sad but understood when a true warrior needs to walk away while he can still hold his head up. The "un-retirement" rumors started almost immediately, but that happens almost any time a big names walks away from the game. But the voices stayed there and didn't go away, and as the 2008 training camps opened, word came that Favre really didn't want to retire, he felt he had been pushed out as the Packers wanted to move on! For shame: the Devil at his best.

Now the agony of what to do next for the Packers and their fans: cut his tired old ass lose, bring him back for what would likely be an ugly season, or trade him to some Canadian or Arena Football League team for a bag of magic beans. There's not a good option anywhere in there.,

But in the end, this could all make NFL fans appreciate their teams and players more, or at least make them cut back on the obsenities when they blog about them or stalk them. So, it may well be a good thing, a perfect Act of God fake-out, just like the one Bret's been pulling on us these past few months.

It's a Draw!

Britney "Trainwreck" Spears

Someone sent me an email asking "What about Britney Spears? Is she a gift from heaven or the spawn of Satan?" Are you kidding? Are you nuts? I have a one word answer for that:

Satan!

Let me repeat: Satan!

And just to be clear: Satan! Satan! Satan! Satan! Satan! Satan!

The only time you are likely to her the name Britney Spears and Act of God in the same sentence is if a tsunami hits Los Angeles and somehow manages to avoid damaging the city as it drags her chain-smoking, trailer trash, hinder out to the ocean. This woman has almost single handedly ruined pop music, blondes, and motherhood all by herself.

But, you might say "Won't she serve as a good anti-role model for young women? To show them how NOT to ruin their lives?" I might accept that if I thought that girls today were smart enough to see the flaw in Britney's harebrained plan of marrying the first stud to come along, pop out two kids that she has no idea how to care for, then drive her once promising career off a cliff. They are not and if they see her on TV--regardless of how stupid her actions--they'll want to copy Spears.

No thanks. This round goes to Satan!

The New X-Files Movie

Here's another one that would seem to be easy to figure out: the new X-Files movie, "I Want to Believe." Like many people, I was a fan of the show in the 90's and even liked the first movie that they did based on the hit Fox TV show. Didn't even know they were making a second movie until a few weeks ago when I saw the preview. My first reaction: COOL! But now I think, "Wait a minute, I'm going to be pulled into the theater thinking this will be like one of the better episodes of the show (like the two-faced freak who loved Cher?)" but instead it will likely be just some crap produced to make a few bucks. The result: my soul will be crushed yet again by Hollywood! I hate having my soul crushed by Hollywood, and yet I let them do it time and time again. Bastards!

So, it would seem to me that the X-Files movie is OBVIOUSLY the Work of the Devil: it will tempt the weaker ones among us (mostly pale geeks without real friends or lives) get our hopes up and then crush them like little ants. I can see Satan now, sitting outside the theater as I leave saying, "Was that worth $8.50, dumbass?" and the laughing as only the Devil can.

On the other hand, God Does Work in Mysterious Ways and this may be a great way for the Almighty to tell some of us that we need to get outside and make friends in the REAL world for a change. Laugh, talk, and use our hands for more than just typing and self-gratification. Possible, but not likely.

Satan Wins this one by a horn.
Read reviews of the movie (currently being panned by the critics) here at RottenTomatoes.com.

Hurricane Dolly Ready to Slam Texas and Mexico

Hurricanes are a good place to start out this site. The first big one of the 2008 season, Hurricane Dolly, is about to make landfall.

Many people (and some insurance companies) would classify a hurricane as an "Act of God" and rightly so. If you believe that God created the Earth and by connection the Earth's weather, then yeah, he done it. Maybe he didn't mean to, but stuff happens sometimes when you don't mean it to. Just ask my cousin.

One the other hand, hurricanes are unpredictable, awfully destructive and cause great pain and suffering, even if they hit backwoods states like Louisiana, Mississippi and/or Texas. The damage can run into the hundreds of dollars and the back porch drinkin' skyrockets before, during and afterwards.

Still: when the TV networks interview people afterwards, most will likely say "Thank God, it didn't take our trailer!" and not "The Devil made me do that stuff to the neighbor's dog." Get my drift?

Advantage: God

Agree? Disagree? Please post your comments below!